Have your Cake and Eat It, Too: How this busy Mom does it all

Being a mom is all-consuming. Being a business owner is also all-consuming. I get asked almost every day how I can do it all. This question really just makes me want to laugh out loud!

When people asked me for advice on how to balance and do it all, I feel like a total impostor. I struggle with this every day! We all do! And if we aren’t willing to admit that to ourselves, we’re very likely lying. This great balancing act is one of life’s biggest challenges. But without it, we can feel ourselves quite literally pulling apart at the seams. It’s so important to truly think about what you want your life to look like. And once you figure that out there’s a few tools that you can use to ensure that you can have it all.

Set boundaries and be consistent.      

On your pursuit to having it all, you need to make sure that you set boundaries. And stick to those boundaries. No matter what. Don’t let anybody talk you out of them. And don’t give in, ever. Otherwise, people would take advantage of them and you’ll find yourself slipping and slipping until you no longer have boundaries at all.

These boundaries need to be consistent with your values, and what you want out of life.  Don’t worry about what the PTA moms are doing, or what your neighbor thinks. Trust me, there are no winners in the comparison game.

Focus 100% on what you’re doing.          

When you’re at work, be at work. Put your head down and get everything done that you need to. Be productive! If there’s anything that us moms are good at it’s being productive, especially when we can be uninterrupted. And don’t kid yourself that you can multitask! You can’t!

When you’re home with your kids, be home with your kids. Be in the moment! Laugh with them, talk with them, listen to their stories. This will rejuvenate you in a way that very few things can’t.

Ask for help and support.      

Surround yourself with people who are going to support you. And do not be afraid to ask them to support you. If you need your husband to do something in particular to help you, ask him. I’m pretty sure that he’ll do it especially knowing how much he can take off your plate just by doing a couple of little things for you or a couple of little things to help around the house.

If your friends that are around you aren’t willing to support you, then maybe you need to distance yourself a little bit. If you need something from your sister, your mom, or your brother-in-law, don’t be afraid to ask. They’ll likely want to help you. Be specific and praise them for their efforts, it will go a long way!

Outsource.      

If you want to do it all, you have to let other people take control of some things in your life. Hire a cleaning lady! Hire a nanny, or the 12-year-old girl down the street who can watch your kids while you work upstairs. Don’t be afraid to make these sacrifices. And don’t be afraid to make an investment in yourself…few things that are worthwhile just come to you!

Last but certainly not least. Take time for yourself!  

No matter what. The old saying, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” was made famous (or infamous) for a reason. And, “Happy wife, happy life,” is a real thing.

Us moms sometimes have no idea of the impact that we have on our kids, on our families and our husbands. We need to make a great effort, to at least be aware of how our attitude and our moods can affect everyone. I’m certainly not saying that you need to be happy all the time, that is just unreasonable and unrealistic. But when you’re having a particularly dark day or a really rough time, don’t be afraid to walk away.

Put somebody in charge of your kids that you can trust and go for a walk, get a massage, or work out. Just go sit in the darkroom somewhere and take a nap. It’s Okay! We all need that sometimes. Do not let anybody make you feel bad about that.

Being a mom is hard.  And our society, unfortunately, tends to make us feel bad for wanting anything for ourselves.  It is okay to want to be something other than a stay-at-home mom! Some women are simply not cut out for it, and your kids will be just fine if you pursue a career or something outside the home or your family.  In fact, I think they will be better off having a mama who pursues what she wants, and is happy, than a mama who just happens to be physically present.

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